You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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