I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize