So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
