I'm gonna have a badass scar
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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