You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
