i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
