we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
