I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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