I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
