You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
