Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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