Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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