I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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