This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
