We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
