i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
