you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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