I am in a vortex of obligation.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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