I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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