How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
