I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
