Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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