i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
