P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i believe in u and ur pee
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
