Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize