i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
