You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
