Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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