I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
