I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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