Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
