Yo dont text me then not text me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
