I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
