I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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