Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize