You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
