btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
