He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My feet surprised me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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