Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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