I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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