hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
