plz talk dirty to me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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