so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
