Soap is not a condiment
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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