I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
