I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
