You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
