And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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