The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
