I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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