I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
