Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
