My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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