When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
