i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
