so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
