Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
