Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
