After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
