shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
