Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
