I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
