He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize