WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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