he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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