Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
