it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
