she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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