I take back everything I said about communal showers
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
not ubering you a puppy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
