Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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