You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize