If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
