ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
