I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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