definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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