I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
