We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
