I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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