I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Bring me that man meat
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
