it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
bring money and cleavage
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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