batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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