someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
