i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
