I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
