I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
