i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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