i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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