Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
