the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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