i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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