he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
