there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
