i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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