Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
