Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
