Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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