Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
