I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
