Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
