I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
