Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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