Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
