there's paper in my vomit.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
