so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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